So this has been my quote, I guess for the past couple of weeks.
Last week, I told you my story about why I chose this quote. Because of heartbreak.
These last few weeks, since I fell apart, have been a rollercoaster of emotion. One moment I could use the quote to empower me. I felt so grateful for those times with him, for those experiences I had with him, for those memories we made. I knew I was so lucky to have had a relationship, especially with him. Who knew that someone would actually like me back!?
Even though it was short, it was still sweet.
And so whenever I got sad, I tried to think of this quote. However I often found that it made me more sad. Because no matter how hard I tried, I wished so much that it wasn’t over.
I tried so hard to be happy that it happened, that I got to spend 3 months feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, being with such a lovely guy…but it was the memories that killed me. It is the memories that break my heart all over again.
Because they are all in the past and thinking of them made me miss him so much. I missed being with him. I missed holding his hand. I missed that feeling, that feeling of pure bliss whenever I was with him.
And I still miss him.
Sometimes it got so hard, because you see he is in three of my classes. Which means I still see him everyday.
I am extremely thankful because there is no awkwardness between us…but that’s the thing there is nothing between us anymore. Other than saying a little hey and smiling at each other if we make eye contact, I’ve gone from talking to him everyday to 0.5 of a conversation.
The distance now, just reminds me of how close we used to be.
And my heart just can’t even begin to comprehend it.
I miss him as a friend. I do want to talk to him more again, but you see I am so worried that he doesn’t want to talk to me.
Sometimes I wish I had answers. Why it went from being so intense and passionate one day, to a sudden stop the next. I often wonder why he moved on, lost the feeling I still feel. Sometimes I just feel like screaming at him, WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? Why did you let me go?
You don’t know how much I wish he still loved me back.
But I have to let him go, I have to just let him go.
And so on that, this quote worked but also didn’t work, maybe time for another?