Time to make things happen

Time to  make things happen

New week, new quote 🙂

Come back at the end of this week to see how I’ve worked this quote into my life!


On a new day…

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

I like to think that there are three parts to me. There’s my inner core – which is this bright, bubbly, optimistic heart; my true self. When you’re there it’s like bathing in the sunlight. A soft breeze blows, and waves play piano on a sandy shore. Pure mountains stand proud in the distance, letting off clear air. Trees flutter their leaves. Flowers bloom in eternal fields.

Next comes my outer core – this is the part of me that is dark, that is gloomy. It’s all black there and you can’t see in front of you, you can only see behind.

Surrounding the core is my exterior. This is my outside that everyone can see. Naturally its like my inner core – bright, bubbly, optimistic, sunshine. It always resorts back to this happy glow, but sometimes it reveals the outer core of me. Some day’s I don’t feel like smiling, I don’t feel like putting on a show.

I’ve found these days have been more often than not lately.

Since the end of last year, till the beginnings of this one, I felt completely loved. I felt absolutely comfortable to be who I was. I felt secure in being who ever I wanted to be, in saying whatever I wanted to say – believing that this love would not go away, it promised it wouldn’t. On the days when I felt imperfect, this love was there to remind me of the best parts of me. This love made me feel beautiful, just as I was.

Love does that.

As Elizabeth Barret Browing once smartly said:

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I was utterly content in happiness of just being myself, with the belief that there was someone there who loved this “true me.”

But then this love went away and feelings of insecurity and doubt began to wash over me. I felt utterly imperfect. I began to criticise my body, my look – I couldn’t even bear to look in the mirror without feeling a terrible shame that suffocated me. I was drowning in darkness.

The love went away, making me question why it did. It had to be because of something I’d done, because of something I wasn’t, because I was too weird, too strange, too random.

This outer core cloaked my inner beam, meaning the light of my true self was prevented from shining outwards to my exterior. Instead I began to share more and more of these dark feelings with the outer world.

I noted how more and more I was complaining about how tired I was, with sarcastic remarks and moans about how life was such a struggle, all poring from my mouth. It made everything worse as I began to hate myself even more for the person I was becoming. I felt like I was changing and I could do nothing to stop it.

My true self was lost and I didn’t know where to find her again.

Wishing to change back to my former self, I stumbled upon this quote:

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

The realisation suddenly hit me then that I didn’t want to go back to who I was before. I realised I hadn’t changed so much, as I was just growing and developing and this was a part of me that made me even more deeper and complex as a human being than before.

I couldn’t go back, I could only go forward through the emotional labyrinth that is life.

I realised that I had a choice in who I wanted to be. After all I am my own person. Suddenly life became different, the dark cloud cleared, the rain dried up, and the sun broke through stronger than ever. I thought about who I wanted to be. I wrote it down. I thought about who I didn’t want to be – something which this experience had taught me – and wrote that down as well.

I thought about the future and what I wanted out of life. I thought of all the things I wanted to do – writing, writing all of this down. Motivation bloomed within me.

And then, just like that, I shed the cloak that had surrounded me and began to bounce again. I began to dance around the hallways to crazy songs. I began to sing at the top of my lungs. I began to let my laugh tinkle out over that sandy shore, drifting away over the seas, echoing high up in the mountains, floating through the leaves, spiralling in and out of the flowers.

My self wasn’t lost after all, she was there all along, growing and developing, reaching for the stars, shooting for the moon.

And so from my experiences of this quote, this is my advice for you:

When something or someone has brought you down and made you unsure of who you are, if you are unhappy with yourself- rather than critiquing everything and looking back at the past, rather than wishing and hoping you were something else – just think about who you want to be. Actually take the time to think about it.

Write it down, paint it, design it, make a movie or a song about it – express who you want to be in whatever form that spurs on the passion. Then make a plan – how can you become this person, what do you have to do. Thinking about the future can plant seeds of motivation, which you can grow into a magnificent forest as you work towards accomplishing your plan and making your future.

Everyone of us is beautiful. Think about what you want from life, think about who you want to be, and you’ll find courage, strength and motivation, which you never thought you had, to make these dreams a reality.

Ka kite 🙂

P.s sorry for the delay! I wrote this all up and it deleted itself before I could publish it, so time had to be spent finding the motivation to write it all again! :p


On a new Quote for the week

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out

Wow, I have to say I feel so silly for writing some of this, I feel like I’m making such a big deal out of everything. What happened to me anyway? Well I only had my heart-broken. There are so many people out there who have far bigger problems than this.

But you see, it’s just that; I had my heart-broken.

And when something happens to the heart, everything else goes out of perspective. This may sound crazy, some of you may know what I mean, some of you may not. Some of you may know this feeling, some of you may not.

Things can just become so overwhelming sometimes, I really don’t know how to explain this feeling. It’s a whole combination of everything; sadness, sorrow, frustration, regret, confusion, happiness, emptiness, hurt, thankfulness and longing… and all the emotions are fighting against each other.

And all you end up doing is crying…I’ve been crying for the past few days.

I think to myself, I can do this, I can let go, let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore…but then I think of him. I think of being with him. I think of how happy I was. I remember that feeling, that feeling of being loved, of being wanted. And I want that feeling back so bad, I just feel like I’m going to burst with longing. And then I think, don’t be stupid, it’s over, its gone…and then I think, why!? Why is it over? And I see him, and everything I love about him is right there in front of me, and it reminds me how once I could have just grabbed his hand and ran away with him to the stars, but now I can’t even talk to him without questioning whether he wants to talk back.

This feeling tastes like a dry mouth, a bitter piece of chocolate. Melted caramel.

This feeling sounds like, screaming, screaming in the pitter patter of rain. Like laughing…maybe hysterically. Like a piano beating out a longing tune. Like say something, I’m giving up on you.

This feeling looks like, layers of paper, scribbled on and screwed up, falling out of a bin. Like the foreboding rain cloud, will it rain, will it not? Will I cry? Will I not? Looks like, a person stumbling falling, legs falling out from under you, yet clutching to regain their standing position.

This feeling feels like, an absence of a hand, the memory of a kiss, gone. Like a fist being pushed hard against your chest. Like a gentle tear falling down a cheek. Falling, and then streaming.

This feeling smells like ash.

The passion ignited and then it burned, burned, burned…but then it all burnt out, nothing was being put on the fire to keep it going. Now my heart is like ash, soft, crumbling, dissolving on impact with the ground…gone, the ash is gone, my heart is gone, where has it gone?

Where has it gone?

This love, this love I felt, it filled me up! And now, this love is not needed, and it doesn’t know what to do with itself.

Phew, now I got that out, I can carry on with this post. See that is the feeling.

Whenever I think of letting go, I think of how much I don’t want to let go.

And that is what puts me in a bit of a predicament.

So maybe, it’s not in letting go – my stubborn heart isn’t ready for such a thing yet – maybe I just have to focus on other things my heart loves. And this love that I have, I can put it into these other things.

So what do I love? What makes me happy?
When I ask that question to myself. I think him.

He is who I love. He makes me happy.

I experienced a whole new type of happiness with him and it was a beautiful sort of happiness, one that only love can make you feel….but gently I know I have to pull my heart away from him and think of the other things.

And so I do;

Hmm, so I love my friends, my dear friends who are always there for me.

I love my family, the best of me.

I love reading, it’s a whole other world.

I love skiing, the snow, the fun, skiing with Dad, it makes me happy.

I love tramping, that feeling of pushing yourself so hard, and it all being worth it when you reach that stunning, breathe-taking vista.

I love helping people, from giving advice with little problems, to helping people with an English question they don’t understand. To helping people in other countries. THIS IS MY PASSION!

I love school -crazy right- but its true! I love the opportunities it provides to learn and to be with friends and people (oh yeah another one, I LOVE LEARNING!)

And I love people, they’re amazing, everyone’s amazing.

I love quotes, of course. They’re inspiring!

I love sunflowers. They’re beautiful!

I love swimming in the sea; you can just let everything float away, and let all the feelings sink away into the depths down far, far below.

I love playing guitar, and I love listening to music. My happy songs at the moment are: Rescue by Yuna and Free By Rudimental ft. Emeli Sande

It’s amazing how songs can move you. These songs make me feel strong. But when I’m on the verge of giving into the overwhelming feeling I can’t help but listen to sad songs. These are the ones where I let the tears flow.

And I never thought I’d be able to relate so much to a song by Taylor Swift:

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

and of course this part:

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Burning, it was red

Right so where is this post going? It is going forwards.

Because forwards and onwards is the only way through this emotional labyrinth.

My new quote to focus on is this: Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out

I just have to make the best. I know its going to be hard. It is hard.

I know I’ll never stop wishing for these things, these impossible things (wow saying that hurts). I’m such a hopeful person, one who never gives up and who always fights for what I love. It’s apart of who I am.

But I have to let this one go. I cannot fight for this one. I’ll always hope he might like me back again. But this ones impossible.

SO I have to make the best of the way this one turned out.