On a new year and a new quote

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New years resolutions are a thing.

A thing that a lot of people all over the world think about – I think about them. There are the common ones that everyone aspires too: get fit, lose weight, stop drinking alcohol. Plus the not so common ones, such as learn how to clone Nutella  (for some even  more interesting ones check out: (http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/bizarre-new-years-resolutions-twitter-weird-wonderful-web/))

But I don’t really write any. Because you see, when one thinks of resolutions, one also thinks about the fact that most of them are never met.

So instead of writing new years resolutions, I write down goals. And with each of my goals I write an action plan of how I’m going to achieve them.

I have recently just finished reading Gretchen Rubin’s book, ‘The Happiness Project.’ Rubin is a perfectly normal human, with a family and a job and a life that she loves. Yet one day she comes to the realisation that there are all these things that she wants to do, yet she’s just not doing them. Stuck in the constant flow of everyday habitual life. Rubin realised, “The days are long, but the years are short. Time is passing, and I’m not focusing enough on the things that really matter.” Rubin realised that although she was happy, she could be even happier, if only she started to do these things she wanted to do, instead of just thinking about them.

Because that is the problem with new years resolutions a lot of the time – you think about what you want to change, the first step. But then you stop and go no further, stuck on the hard part of “starting.” Starting to make a change.

Pushed into “starting” by her realisation, Rubin made an action plan. For each month of the year she focused on a value; for example January was Vitality – boost energy, March was Work – aim higher and November was Attitude – keep a contented heart. Within each of these months she had her individual goals – concrete goals based on abstract values. In January there was ‘go to sleep earlier; exercise better; toss, restore, organise; tackle a nagging task; and act more energetic.’ Based on Father Benjamin Franklin’s Virtues Chart, Rubin made a ‘resolutions chart,’ where she wrote down her goals and put a cross or a tick next to them after EACH day, depending on whether she had accomplished them.

And thus throughout the year, Rubin became happier through making habits out of the things she had always wanted to do. Although there were times where she slipped – we all do – she had her chart and her goals right there to push her back on track again.

SO, the question is how do you make the changes you want to make in your life?

1. Make them goals, not new years resolutions.

2. Think about what you want to change, what you want to do, then write them down – remember concrete not abstract i.e. rather than “be more friendly” try “say hello to new people,” which is something you can actually do.

3. Make an action plan – you want to lose weight and get fit? Think about HOW you are going to do this…e.g. exercise 20mins everyday, stop buying processed foods, by whole foods instead, etc.

4. Make a chart which you can consult everyday – helping you to remember your goals and to motivate you through progress achieved.

5. START, START RIGHT NOW! Not tomorrow, not next Monday, not next month. RIGHT NOW.

Get off your couch and go for a run. Go outside and take some photos.

Go right now and DON’T STOP.

Run tomorrow and the next day and the next. Make your goals your daily habit.

Because you see, You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” #quoteoftheday – John C. Maxwell

So go start and I wish you the best year yet!

ILY,

A quotaholic xx

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On a new day…

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

I like to think that there are three parts to me. There’s my inner core – which is this bright, bubbly, optimistic heart; my true self. When you’re there it’s like bathing in the sunlight. A soft breeze blows, and waves play piano on a sandy shore. Pure mountains stand proud in the distance, letting off clear air. Trees flutter their leaves. Flowers bloom in eternal fields.

Next comes my outer core – this is the part of me that is dark, that is gloomy. It’s all black there and you can’t see in front of you, you can only see behind.

Surrounding the core is my exterior. This is my outside that everyone can see. Naturally its like my inner core – bright, bubbly, optimistic, sunshine. It always resorts back to this happy glow, but sometimes it reveals the outer core of me. Some day’s I don’t feel like smiling, I don’t feel like putting on a show.

I’ve found these days have been more often than not lately.

Since the end of last year, till the beginnings of this one, I felt completely loved. I felt absolutely comfortable to be who I was. I felt secure in being who ever I wanted to be, in saying whatever I wanted to say – believing that this love would not go away, it promised it wouldn’t. On the days when I felt imperfect, this love was there to remind me of the best parts of me. This love made me feel beautiful, just as I was.

Love does that.

As Elizabeth Barret Browing once smartly said:

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I was utterly content in happiness of just being myself, with the belief that there was someone there who loved this “true me.”

But then this love went away and feelings of insecurity and doubt began to wash over me. I felt utterly imperfect. I began to criticise my body, my look – I couldn’t even bear to look in the mirror without feeling a terrible shame that suffocated me. I was drowning in darkness.

The love went away, making me question why it did. It had to be because of something I’d done, because of something I wasn’t, because I was too weird, too strange, too random.

This outer core cloaked my inner beam, meaning the light of my true self was prevented from shining outwards to my exterior. Instead I began to share more and more of these dark feelings with the outer world.

I noted how more and more I was complaining about how tired I was, with sarcastic remarks and moans about how life was such a struggle, all poring from my mouth. It made everything worse as I began to hate myself even more for the person I was becoming. I felt like I was changing and I could do nothing to stop it.

My true self was lost and I didn’t know where to find her again.

Wishing to change back to my former self, I stumbled upon this quote:

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.

The realisation suddenly hit me then that I didn’t want to go back to who I was before. I realised I hadn’t changed so much, as I was just growing and developing and this was a part of me that made me even more deeper and complex as a human being than before.

I couldn’t go back, I could only go forward through the emotional labyrinth that is life.

I realised that I had a choice in who I wanted to be. After all I am my own person. Suddenly life became different, the dark cloud cleared, the rain dried up, and the sun broke through stronger than ever. I thought about who I wanted to be. I wrote it down. I thought about who I didn’t want to be – something which this experience had taught me – and wrote that down as well.

I thought about the future and what I wanted out of life. I thought of all the things I wanted to do – writing, writing all of this down. Motivation bloomed within me.

And then, just like that, I shed the cloak that had surrounded me and began to bounce again. I began to dance around the hallways to crazy songs. I began to sing at the top of my lungs. I began to let my laugh tinkle out over that sandy shore, drifting away over the seas, echoing high up in the mountains, floating through the leaves, spiralling in and out of the flowers.

My self wasn’t lost after all, she was there all along, growing and developing, reaching for the stars, shooting for the moon.

And so from my experiences of this quote, this is my advice for you:

When something or someone has brought you down and made you unsure of who you are, if you are unhappy with yourself- rather than critiquing everything and looking back at the past, rather than wishing and hoping you were something else – just think about who you want to be. Actually take the time to think about it.

Write it down, paint it, design it, make a movie or a song about it – express who you want to be in whatever form that spurs on the passion. Then make a plan – how can you become this person, what do you have to do. Thinking about the future can plant seeds of motivation, which you can grow into a magnificent forest as you work towards accomplishing your plan and making your future.

Everyone of us is beautiful. Think about what you want from life, think about who you want to be, and you’ll find courage, strength and motivation, which you never thought you had, to make these dreams a reality.

Ka kite 🙂

P.s sorry for the delay! I wrote this all up and it deleted itself before I could publish it, so time had to be spent finding the motivation to write it all again! :p

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A new day.

A new day.

So I’ve let him go…and it’s time to start a new line of quotes. It’s time to start a new day.

My format: On the weekend of each week, I will find and publish a quote that I will relate to my life for the week (sometimes I might even get you guys to vote on the quote!). Then before I publish a new quote I will write about how that quote of the week impacted on me!!! Should be exciting stuff!

In the comments below please suggests quotes to if you have any (or email me).

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY…

My quote for this week is….

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

Quote

On a new Quote for the week

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out

Wow, I have to say I feel so silly for writing some of this, I feel like I’m making such a big deal out of everything. What happened to me anyway? Well I only had my heart-broken. There are so many people out there who have far bigger problems than this.

But you see, it’s just that; I had my heart-broken.

And when something happens to the heart, everything else goes out of perspective. This may sound crazy, some of you may know what I mean, some of you may not. Some of you may know this feeling, some of you may not.

Things can just become so overwhelming sometimes, I really don’t know how to explain this feeling. It’s a whole combination of everything; sadness, sorrow, frustration, regret, confusion, happiness, emptiness, hurt, thankfulness and longing… and all the emotions are fighting against each other.

And all you end up doing is crying…I’ve been crying for the past few days.

I think to myself, I can do this, I can let go, let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore…but then I think of him. I think of being with him. I think of how happy I was. I remember that feeling, that feeling of being loved, of being wanted. And I want that feeling back so bad, I just feel like I’m going to burst with longing. And then I think, don’t be stupid, it’s over, its gone…and then I think, why!? Why is it over? And I see him, and everything I love about him is right there in front of me, and it reminds me how once I could have just grabbed his hand and ran away with him to the stars, but now I can’t even talk to him without questioning whether he wants to talk back.

This feeling tastes like a dry mouth, a bitter piece of chocolate. Melted caramel.

This feeling sounds like, screaming, screaming in the pitter patter of rain. Like laughing…maybe hysterically. Like a piano beating out a longing tune. Like say something, I’m giving up on you.

This feeling looks like, layers of paper, scribbled on and screwed up, falling out of a bin. Like the foreboding rain cloud, will it rain, will it not? Will I cry? Will I not? Looks like, a person stumbling falling, legs falling out from under you, yet clutching to regain their standing position.

This feeling feels like, an absence of a hand, the memory of a kiss, gone. Like a fist being pushed hard against your chest. Like a gentle tear falling down a cheek. Falling, and then streaming.

This feeling smells like ash.

The passion ignited and then it burned, burned, burned…but then it all burnt out, nothing was being put on the fire to keep it going. Now my heart is like ash, soft, crumbling, dissolving on impact with the ground…gone, the ash is gone, my heart is gone, where has it gone?

Where has it gone?

This love, this love I felt, it filled me up! And now, this love is not needed, and it doesn’t know what to do with itself.

Phew, now I got that out, I can carry on with this post. See that is the feeling.

Whenever I think of letting go, I think of how much I don’t want to let go.

And that is what puts me in a bit of a predicament.

So maybe, it’s not in letting go – my stubborn heart isn’t ready for such a thing yet – maybe I just have to focus on other things my heart loves. And this love that I have, I can put it into these other things.

So what do I love? What makes me happy?
When I ask that question to myself. I think him.

He is who I love. He makes me happy.

I experienced a whole new type of happiness with him and it was a beautiful sort of happiness, one that only love can make you feel….but gently I know I have to pull my heart away from him and think of the other things.

And so I do;

Hmm, so I love my friends, my dear friends who are always there for me.

I love my family, the best of me.

I love reading, it’s a whole other world.

I love skiing, the snow, the fun, skiing with Dad, it makes me happy.

I love tramping, that feeling of pushing yourself so hard, and it all being worth it when you reach that stunning, breathe-taking vista.

I love helping people, from giving advice with little problems, to helping people with an English question they don’t understand. To helping people in other countries. THIS IS MY PASSION!

I love school -crazy right- but its true! I love the opportunities it provides to learn and to be with friends and people (oh yeah another one, I LOVE LEARNING!)

And I love people, they’re amazing, everyone’s amazing.

I love quotes, of course. They’re inspiring!

I love sunflowers. They’re beautiful!

I love swimming in the sea; you can just let everything float away, and let all the feelings sink away into the depths down far, far below.

I love playing guitar, and I love listening to music. My happy songs at the moment are: Rescue by Yuna http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTmFmEBeEog and Free By Rudimental ft. Emeli Sande https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDPW_g2AhAU

It’s amazing how songs can move you. These songs make me feel strong. But when I’m on the verge of giving into the overwhelming feeling I can’t help but listen to sad songs. These are the ones where I let the tears flow.

And I never thought I’d be able to relate so much to a song by Taylor Swift: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlot0i3Zykw

Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

and of course this part:

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Burning, it was red

Right so where is this post going? It is going forwards.

Because forwards and onwards is the only way through this emotional labyrinth.

My new quote to focus on is this: Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out

I just have to make the best. I know its going to be hard. It is hard.

I know I’ll never stop wishing for these things, these impossible things (wow saying that hurts). I’m such a hopeful person, one who never gives up and who always fights for what I love. It’s apart of who I am.

But I have to let this one go. I cannot fight for this one. I’ll always hope he might like me back again. But this ones impossible.

SO I have to make the best of the way this one turned out.

Quote

“Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened”

So this has been my quote, I guess for the past couple of weeks.

Last week, I told you my story about why I chose this quote. Because of heartbreak.

These last few weeks, since I fell apart, have been a rollercoaster of emotion. One moment I could use the quote to empower me. I felt so grateful for those times with him, for those experiences I had with him, for those memories we made. I knew I was so lucky to have had a relationship, especially with him. Who knew that someone would actually like me back!?

Even though it was short, it was still sweet.

And so whenever I got sad, I tried to think of this quote. However I often found that it made me more sad. Because no matter how hard I tried, I wished so much that it wasn’t over.

I tried so hard to be happy that it happened, that I got to spend 3 months feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, being with such a lovely guy…but it was the memories that killed me. It is the memories that break my heart all over again.

Because they are all in the past and thinking of them made me miss him so much. I missed being with him. I missed holding his hand. I missed that feeling, that feeling of pure bliss whenever I was with him.

And I still miss him.

Sometimes it got so hard, because you see he is in three of my classes. Which means I still see him everyday.

I am extremely thankful because there is no awkwardness between us…but that’s the thing there is nothing between us anymore. Other than saying a little hey and smiling at each other if we make eye contact, I’ve gone from talking to him everyday to 0.5 of a conversation.

The distance now, just reminds me of how close we used to be.

And my heart just can’t even begin to comprehend it.

I miss him as a friend. I do want to talk to him more again, but you see I am so worried that he doesn’t want to talk to me.

Sometimes I wish I had answers. Why it went from being so intense and passionate one day, to a sudden stop the next. I often wonder why he moved on, lost the feeling I still feel. Sometimes I just feel like screaming at him, WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? Why did you let me go?

Why,

why,

why?

You don’t know how much I wish he still loved me back.

But I have to let him go, I have to just let him go.

let it go2

And so on that, this quote worked but also didn’t work, maybe time for another?

 

Quote

“What matters most…”

“What matters most in life are quotes and stuff that tells you what life is really about. . .and here’s a picture of a flower.”

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The first time I read this quote I was offended, in fact I was thoroughly put out.

The 1000 and more quotes, blue tacked to my wall, saved to my laptop, and stapled to my brain, meant nothing in the case of this single quote. I might as well strip my bedroom walls, delete my files and shred my brain where this quote was concerned. Those long hours spent writing up the words of wisdom, and the cartridges of ink used up in printing the words of advice, were all for nothing.

Because you see, it was mocking quotes (most of which are remembered and noted for their wisdom and understanding, support and advice for living life). It was basically saying the survival of life cannot be written as an instruction manual in single phrase, nor can it be written at all. We get carried away by the words, without realising the true meaning.

It seemed to me that this quote was saying stop reading about how to live life and instead just live it! After awhile when this meaning had sunk in, I began to look at the way I used the quotes all around me. More often than not, I read them for a burst of inspiration and motivation, but they never really developed true meaning in the overall patterns of my life. I used them and threw them away whenever I needed them.
That’s when I realised I had become a hypocrite; I read the quotes and gave them to others as advice, but when it came to reading them for myself and acting upon them in my own life, I only ever saw the words. I only ever read the words, but never read the true, deeper meaning.

SO I have decided to change this. Quotes are powerful. That is why they are quotes. Snippets of a conversation, of a knowing, saved in time. And they do provide hearty advice when you need it most. But instead of just reading the words, I’m going to use the words to create meaning in my own life.

I have decided I will do this by choosing a quote each week (maybe out of a hat?) and using it and relating it to my daily living of life. I will post this quote at the start of the week, and by the end of the week I will have woven a story of how I’ve sewn the quote into my life, which I will then post for you.

I could end up doing some crazy things, I might just be crazy by the end of it, but its time to stop being a hypocrite annnnd (cliché but true), its time to start living life to the fullest!

So my first quote will be: “Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy that it happened.”

Why this quote you might ask? You’ll see 😉